(An old article of mine)
Dear Gautam,
I got your letter and poem yesterday and was glad to know of your much-deserved Goan holiday. It seems to have done you a lot of good, it has apparently given your creativity a boost. Now this poem that you’ve sent me for publishing here, I like it, of course, but let’s get a few things straightened out first. You’ve written:
“Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.”
I must say, Gautam, that’s a delightful piece of work, in light vein too, and will definitely appeal to little children. But to tell you honestly, most Indian kids will find it difficult to identify with the name ‘Mary’, and I mean, why make it sound like a hangover from the Raj, I suggest you be politically correct and change ‘Mary’ to ‘Meera’, what’s in a name anyway, as the good bard very rightly put it... so your first line now reads:
‘Meera had a little lamb”
But again, don’t you think you should be more specific? Make it:
“Meera had a little lamb as a pet”
Yes, I think that would be wiser, you know how precocious children are nowadays, and the various sexual connotations they can cook up with innocent words, you have kids, Gautam, you should know… (and something tells me that this poem of yours, once I publish it, will be selected by the Education Department for the kindergarten syllabus)
And now for your next line:
“Its fleece was white as snow”
AS white as snow, surely! Grammar, my dear fellow, elementary grammar! Have you forgotten your Degrees of Comparison? But wait a minute, Gautam, I can bet you that most kids mustn’t even have seen pictures of snow, not to mention the actual stuff. Better make it “as white as milk”, yes, that sounds more apt:
“Its fleece was as white as milk”
But just a moment, hold on, Gautam, you know, with so many of our countrymen suffering from malnutrition, living below the poverty line and all that, I wonder if it wouldn’t be Chinese torture to mention the word ‘milk’, I don't know, I feel it would be a bit insensitive, I think you should stick to:
“Its fleece was very white”
And now for the third line of your lovely little poem:
“And everywhere that Mary went”
Everywhere, Gautam? Not everywhere, please. We don't want to put parents in a soup, do we? I mean, imagine their offspring pleading: “Can I take Moti / Tommy / Mithu to the loo, mummy, please, mummy, pleeeeze???” So let’s be a bit practical and let it read as:
“And most places Meera went”
Now for your last line:
“The lamb was sure to go”
Hmmm… Sure to go? Well now, Gautam, you know how children’s imagination can work overtime... I think it would be prudent to avoid using those naughty little infinitives, I say let’s keep it simple:
“The lamb went too”
So now after these few minor modifications, your poem reads thus:
“Meera had a little lamb as a pet,
Its fleece was very white.
And most places Meera went,
The lamb went too.”
Actually, Gautam, I’m not too comfortable with the “Meera went” and the “lamb went too” part, but never mind for now, we’ll see how it works out and the kind of response we get. You could make a few alterations here and there if we get too many letters of protest from well-meaning parents, teachers and NGOs, so don’t worry about it now, we’ll cross our bridges only after we come to them.
By now, my dear fellow, you must have noticed that the thing doesn’t rhyme any more but surely that should be no problem for a poet like you, and I'm sure you'll soon sort it out. After all, you’re the expert, old chap, it’s such a pity you don't believe in "vers libre" though, and you’re still very old-fashioned in that respect, I must say.
Anyway, do the needful, send me the fresh transcript, and I'll do the rest for you. Always at your service, pal, and never hesitate to send me more of your brilliant work. What are friends for, editor friends, at that… But for God’s sake, Gautam, do something about that blood pressure of yours before it kills you... So long, then, regards to Bhabhiji and love for the kids.
Affectionately,
Sukhwant King
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